one more month to end the year. (:

one more month to end the year 2010. should i be happy or sad? 'm getting older and things should be getting better. *i hope* this year is a year that full of life experience. things i never gone through before. a life full of obstacles, bump, hurt, happy, tears, disappointment and more. i end my high school life and step into my tertiary study life and here is where my story really begins. when i was in high school i used to dream my college life will be wonderful. no school uniforms, no school rules, no discipline teacher and no prefects to tell you what to do and what not to do. yes, i admit that college life is awesome. is much more better that high school life but college ain't like what i used to imagine or dream when i was in high school. college is where the place i learn to be independent, college is the place i need to have more self discipline to able to complete my tasks. and college is the place where i met people that changed my life completely.

i went through road with bumps in high school and now i went through road with bumps, even bigger bumps that make me fall completely till i was badly hurt and didn't know how to get myself up and cure myself. life was once miserable during college. that time was a real dark time that i couldn't see any light but that is when i met people that changed my life. girls and boys. to most of my course mates 'm a bitch and i know why but i don't blame them for calling me that. there is nothing i can do. is their rights to say what they want to. i admit that is hurtful and till now that name still going around and 'm still a bitch to them. and till now its still hurt. last time i will have someone to protect me when things happened and now i have her to guide me and hold me but no one is here to really protect me anymore. he is gone and i will let things be over. the memories he gave me; sweet and bitter. memories that i will keep in my heart. (: maybe he will never see this but i would like to say thank to him. he was there right in front of me when those bitches back stab about me. he is the one stand out and protect me. thanks for letting me feel protected but the feeling is totally gone now. i have to go against everything by myself. maybe is time for me to learn independent. real independent and take the pain all by myself. you will find someone much more better than me, jason.

sweet yet bitter. this will be the last piece of our memory. (:

for those biches that call me bitch. hopefully yesterday will be the last time. 'm getting over and forgiving you guys. i unblock all my block list on my facebook because 'm forgiving and letting the pain i used to hold on. but thanks to you guys i can feel the feeling of protected by someone. *used to* 

in college, i met friends that i never expect i will meet in my life. college just like another turning in my life. 

took this during first semester and now second semester is ending. 

the fun time i will miss. (:

used to be the perfect one but now is broken.

the super man day. will never been seen anymore. :(

and 'm lucky. through this process of life i always have someone with me. no matter what she will never leave me and guide me when 'm down and tell me its time to get up from the pain. she is the one i will share everything of mine with her. her words cheer me up when 'm down, her words are my medicine when 'm in pain and we will be random together when we are happy. 'm so thankful that i have her all this time. no matter how my past was and she will never give up on me. she will never judge me like how others do. she is the one i can comfortably share my worries and pain with her. natalie law! thanks for all these time. thanks for being with me and sending me those meaningful lyrics. thanks for waking me up in the dark. (:

i steal another photo of you. please don't kill me when you see this. :D

2010 is coming to an end so its time to end unreslove things, mend my broken heart, forgive people and move on for better things to come to embrace 2011. (: 

public holiday, stuck at grandma's house. :(

wednesday, is a public holiday. drove to grandma's house on tuesday night after my mum done with her drama till 7. i was starving and the traffic was really heavy on the way to shah alam. >.< public holiday, i thought i will be going out with my mum and shop but end up stuck at home and complete my presentation slides. i have been facing the laptop since morning and till now 'm not done with it. 'm waiting for micheal jackson's music video to complete my job. :( i wonder how long i need to wait and 'm half dead here. body is really tired and especially my neck. my neck is hurting me. hmm. i guess 'm getting older. physically. teehee.:D this is not a good thing. 'm just 18 but my body doesn't feel like 18. it feels like older than 18. seems like i need to work out more and keep myself always fit and healthy so i can walk further in my life without feeling tired and exhausted easily. (:

let me count. another one month time my final will be coming and that's the end of my foundation life. after working hard for 9 months, finally 'm graduating from my foundation and i wondered how my degree life going to be. or maybe the life after my foundation. i might not be here anymore. i wonder. i always in my wonder land. (: queenie in the wonderland. muahahahahahahahahaa.

harry potter is out in the cinema today and 'm waiting for natalie till next month to watch it at pavillion! can't wait for it! nat, 'm looking forward for it and hopefully by that time the movie will be still in cinema. (: wait wait wait. good thing has to wait. i know that. school break is on and i still working hard for my assignments and get ready for my final. nevermind. i will be free. a real free girl after 2 months. whee! *sign off*

a night without anyone with me.

yesterday night was a night that i was really alone. phone on silent mode, in the car, playing the cd player and listening to the song. it was a song full with meanings and suit the feeling i was in that time. every night, i used to have someone with me but this night i decided not to disturb anyone. the night that i truely understand the feeling of walking on the street, drving alone. it wasn't nice but i have the time to do my own thinking. i lost myself since college started and i believe that till now i haven't find myself back. the me that used to laughed at jokes, smile and cry at the right time and will not hide the feelings in me. but the me now is totally feeling numb. lost my direction, the sense in me. i do not laugh at jokes. i mean i do laugh but not from the bottom of my heart. that moment, that second, i realized what i had let go might not be my wish but i believe this will be better. that moment, i was thinking back the time, the memories, the way i been through. hurt, smile, disappoint, laughter. everything appeared in my mind in that moment. and i realized that my tears rolling down. i wanted to hug someone and say that 'm not alright but no one was beside me. i wanted to find her but didn't want to disturb her. i wanted to stand up myself and feel the pain. the feeling of pain let me know what has happened and let me know that its not dream. the scar let me know that the past is real. it was all real. after calming myself down, i decide to go back to the place where i belong and go back to the life i have to continue.

sunday night, with the moon hanging in the sky, with no one, no shadows around. the night where i truly feel the pain ad cuts in me. i truly know what i lost and gained through this way. (: